Stage Fright

I made a promise to the followers of this blog and Facebook page that I would be as real and transparent as I can, and I feel like a little dose of reality is needed right now. This last few days has been tough for me, it's been almost four months since I started my journey and I feel like I've made some good progress but then again I feel like I haven't progressed enough. We're 11 weeks out from the WBFF show, and maybe to some that sounds like a lot of time but it frankly scares the shit out of me. I'm absolutely terrified to get up on that stage and make a fool of myself. I know the caliber of competitor that will be there from the pictures and videos I've seen and it's intimidating to say the least. I have absolutely no intentions on winning or even placing, but I am so scared that I'll stick out like a sore thumb.

I have lost weight consistently the whole time and have worked out religiously since I started. I just can't shake the feeling that it's not enough, that I can be doing more. I am having a difficult time figuring out where to draw the line between a healthy amount of dedication and an unhealthy obsession. I know I need to do this the right way; I absolutely refuse to come out on the other side of this competition with a damaged metabolism and a workout schedule and lifestyle that's not maintainable. As I struggle with this conflict I know that I just need to keep going and keep doing exactly what I'm doing, it's worked for me this far and it's something that I can adapt into a comfortable level of maintenance when I'm done. I guess I just need to be ok with being less than perfect when I get on stage if it means that I get there with brain and body intact.

When I started this process I had a few people tell me how unhealthy it was, I didn't understand it then but I understand now how someone could let it get unhealthy. Excercising relentlessly and undereating on a consistent basis for a long time can wreak havoc on your hormones. Some girls even take drugs to speed things up and to get that stage perfect figure.

I will not beat myself up anymore. I am working as hard as I can without entering into the realm of over training or obsessive behaviour. My body is adapting and changing nicely, maybe not as quickly as I would like but this is the way it needs to happen in order to save my sanity and my normal physiological functions. I am making a commitment to myself that I will continue to do this the right way. When I get on stage I want people to see the REAL me. I want to show people what you can attain by making healthy lifestyle changes, and if that isn't what it takes to place high in the competition so fucking be it.

I need to do right by my body, my mind, my trainer, my friends, my family, and every girl that is paying attention to my progress. I am making a promise to stay strong, stay healthy, stay focused, and not give in to the notion that I need to be walking perfection when I get on stage. I refuse to let this be a negative experience for me, I'm going to have fun and enjoy the process and if the judges put me in very last place I'm ok with that. I promise you all that when you see me on stage it will be something that every single one of you can attain. No insane diets, no working out for four hours a day, just a chick that stayed commited to her program and put every ounce of effort into it. I started this with the intention on staying true to myself, it's time I get my head on straight and represent who I am.

See you on stage.

Meg
xoxoxoxo