The Real Secret

I want you to think about something. We’ve all heard of ‘The Secret’ and the power of positive thinking. We know that the mind is a very powerful thing and that it has a tremendous impact on our physical reality. The problem that I’ve always had with the ‘if you believe it, it will happen’ theory is that it’s proven wrong time and time again. Sure there are instances where it definitely happens; you think about creating enough money to renovate your kitchen and you get a nice big tax return that you weren’t expecting, or you concentrate daily on getting a new car and lo and behold you get a raise at work. Those things happen, but how many times have you hoped and begged and pleaded for something and it just didn’t work out? Or what about people who obsess about things? Why don’t the things they obsess about come to fruition? The laws of attraction would indicate that if you truly believe something, it should come to be in your reality, but the truth is that through practical experience we know that doesn’t happen. ‘The Secret’ repeatedly points out that there is no limit to the laws of attraction, but I’m not sure that convincing yourself that your dog will come back to life will make it happen.  Unfortunately that issue doesn’t seem to be addressed in any of the positive thinking books that I’ve read, and I find it perplexing that such an obvious flaw in the theory isn’t discussed at all.

A few weeks ago I watched a documentary that changed everything. It was called ‘The Quantum Activist’, and it’s about a very humble and incredible man named Dr. Amit Goswami. Dr. Amit is a quantum physicist, a pioneer in the discovery and interpretation of what reality is on its most basic level, also known as quantum physics. What was so powerful about Dr. Amit’s message is that it explains completely the paradox that I discussed before. Why is it that if we use the principle of the laws of attraction, many of us do not manifest our deepest desires? He points out that if it was really that easy, we’d all be rich and have luxury cars in the driveway; the truth is it’s much deeper and more profound than that.

We are all connected through consciousness. Each of us as an individual has the ability to connect to our universe through the unconscious mind. It is there, in the deepest, most spiritual part of us that the laws of attraction apply. When we want something for the RIGHT reasons, and it benefits us as a whole society, not strictly as an individual; that’s when the magic happens. Who benefits from having a new BMW? Do you want that car for altruistic reasons? Doubtful. Let’s say you want to start a business that helps others in some fashion, I bet you can make it happen, and I bet you can guess why. When we challenge ourselves and take on pursuits that benefit not only us, but those around us, incredible things start to happen. If you make decisions and choose endeavors that benefit you AND others, success is absolutely imminent.

The law of attraction applies to the unconscious world, don’t confuse it with the desires and wants of the ego (our individual self). You can’t wish yourself a Mercedes any more than I can wish myself a winning lottery ticket. Once you get past the superficial desires and start to focus on what really matters for the betterment of society, you will find that you have an unparalleled ability to incite change in the world around you. Even things that outwardly might seem superficial or individual, such as weight loss or business ventures, will ultimately benefit others. Your weight loss might inspire someone who is depressed and overweight to start their own weight loss journey to health and happiness; your business endeavor might focus on helping others reach their goals.

The unconscious mind is an incredible tool, harness its power and learn to make decisions for the greater good and your life will change dramatically. Everywhere we look we see the symptoms of perceived separation from each other. War, death, hatred; all signs that we’re missing the big picture. You and I are one and the same, our unconscious selves are connected in unbelievable ways. Once you figure that out you can transcend the limitations of our physical world. Don’t believe me? Give it a shot if for no other reason than to prove me wrong. Make decisions from a global perspective; make them from love for yourself and those around you and see the possibilities unfold.  Love should be your one and only motivation, keep it in your heart always and watch the most beautiful life unfold.

Meg

Hello Bre! Before Pics

Bre - 133 lbs.

Progress Pics - Meg - 10 Weeks

Meg - 154.2 lbs

Media and Weight Loss

I find that there is a interesting psychological dynamic that many women struggle with when it comes to weight loss. The problem is that many of us are caught between the confidence to be who we are regardless of how much we weigh, and the desire to improve our physical appearance. It’s strange because I feel as if by losing weight and improving the way I look, I’m somehow saying that my previous body when I was twenty or thirty pounds heavier wasn’t ok, and that’s the furthest from the truth. You can be beautiful at any weight, I just made the decision that I can do better for myself. Weight loss isn’t about saying that a certain weight is ‘good’ or ‘bad’, it’s about being the healthiest person you can be. If you’re mentally and physically comfortable at 180 pounds, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The only person that has to live with yourself is you, and if you feel that that’s your personal best why let anyone else tell you differently?

We are constantly bombarded with contradictory messages in the media. Eat McDonalds; but be skinny. Have a new car, a new house, and ten million credit cards; but don’t be in debt. Have children; but live an exciting, expensive lifestyle. We live in a reactive culture based on instant gratification, go ahead and eat the burger and then buy the diet pills afterwards. We have a tendency to shy away from anything that isn’t instant, it’s human nature to want to best results in the shortest amount of time. Maybe human ‘nature’ isn’t the right word; we’re conditioned to feel that way. We are compelled to live a lifestyle of instant gratification because it fosters a buy or eat first, deal with the consequences later kind of attitude. This sort of superficial motivation benefits one sector and one sector only, and that’s big business. Companies all around the world encourage this sort of behavior because it results in bigger revenues for them. Don’t think for a second that Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig are motivated by an altruistic desire to improve the lives of others, they are businesses, just like Wal-Mart or JC Penny; and they’re here to make money.

There are a few problems with how big business approaches weight loss. The first one being that they employ their instant gratification marketing schemes on the public just like every other industry, but it’s particularly damaging to individuals trying to lose weight. It’s damaging because the reality of weight loss is that there is no quick fix; this billion dollar a year industry likes to tell us otherwise but the truth is that the only way to effectively lose weight and keep it off is through proper diet EDUCATION and exercise. Most of these companies have absolutely no desire to educate consumers about anything, the reason being that they want to keep you dependent on their system or product. It’s in their best interest that you fail! If you lose twenty pounds and then gain it back, chances are you’ll be right back making another product or program purchase to lose it all over again. Do you think they make money off of people who use their product once and then lose all the weight they need to and keep it off? Of course not. Repeat customers are where revenue is generated.

The point is that the media or our culture should never set the benchmark for where you feel comfortable. Society is driven by money, which has nothing to do with reasonable standards, and our culture is rooted in the ideal that what we have is never enough. The truth is that what you are at this very moment is enough; your weight, your car, your clothes, all your worldly possessions. It’s all enough. You need to set the standard for acceptable in your life, and if the standard for yourself is that you’d like to lose a few pounds then so be it, but don’t let anything else make that determination for you. If you’re on a crusade for perfection the sad reality is that you’ll never be happy with yourself or your body. If you’re unhappy at 200 pounds chances are you’ll be unhappy at 150 pounds too; the confidence that comes from weight loss has very little to do with the results in the mirror. The confidence is gained through setting a goal and accomplishing it; truly, that is the only thing that can build self esteem.

I encourage you to set your own standard for happiness, weight loss included. There is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing a goal or improving yourself, just make sure that what you’re striving to accomplish is, in fact, an improvement. Set goals that are intrinsic in nature, gauge your feelings instead of possessions or appearances because a standard that’s material in nature is subject to outside influences. Be your own yardstick for success, it’s the only measure that really matters.

Insecurity

So here's a little known fact of awesomeness about getting in shape. You will inevitably become more confident, which has the fringe benefit of you being less insecure about how people feel about you. I think most of us are inherently insecure, especially when it comes to our relationships. Insecurity often goes hand in hand with jealousy; when you feel as if you aren't adequate you immediately become jealous and suspicious of those who seem, in your eyes, to be very adequate.

A good example of this (and I'll use myself here) is when a woman is jealous or overreacts to her partner looking at another woman. I'm not talking about porn or going to the strippers, I just mean a meaningless, didn't-even-think-about-it second look at a girl in the bar. It happens, lets face it. Even the most dedicated and monogamous of men will give a woman a once over now and then, just like women will check out a guy here and there. It's human nature, harmless, right? Wrong. Under normal circumstances it would be harmless, but when you're dating someone that's insecure or you're insecure yourself, a harmless glance can explode into catastrophic proportions. I know, because I've been there. I have definitely been the jealous girlfriend. The one who hated it when her boyfriend went out without her, the one who was constantly checking to make sure he wasn't looking at women on the internet or in magazines, and god forbid he ever went to the strip club, that was relationship ending material right there.

As I've grown and become more comfortable in my own skin I've come to realize that insecurity is really a sign of immaturity, and usually self loathing. Your insecurity creates an insane jealousy for any female that you perceive as a threat, or that you think may be more attractive than you. Insecurity is a relationship killer, it can eat away at you and create a divide between you and your partner. Not even the most loving and compassionate of companion can tolerate a high level of insecurity for too long, unfortunately it usually gets perceived as distrust and suspicion towards your mates fidelity.

As I have come into my own and began to lose the weight and feel better about myself, an interesting thing has happened. My insecurity and jealousy have almost completely vanished. Sure I get a little twinge when my husband mentions some female that I'm not particularly fond of, but it usually flares for a second and dies quickly. When you work hard to look and feel your best you start to realize a few things about yourself, most importantly that you are worthy of love. I know that I'm valuable as a mate and that if my partner ever made the decision to leave or to cheat, that it has absolutely nothing to do with me. You see, part of losing the insecurity is also gaining acceptance; acceptance that if a person in my life makes the decision to not be close to me anymore, I will still be happy and whole as an individual. If he were to make a relationship ending decision, it would be his decision, and in my opinion, his loss.

Because I know that I can thrive on my own, I no longer live in fear of losing my husband to another woman. I know that I offer something unique and that I am beautiful and powerful in my own way, just like you are. If he looks at another woman or makes a comment, it may irk me for a second but the reality is I know that it's ok to appreciate how someone else looks. Hell the last few months I've checked our more girls in bikinis than anyone else on the planet, I am constantly studying physiques and looking for competition ideas. We often lash out at others when we don't feel good about ourselves, and insecurity and jealousy are no different. If you're struggling with these issues, instead of focusing your attention on what your partner is doing I encourage you to look within. I bet you'll find the answer has nothing to do with anyone else but you.

Getting healthy has a lot of benefits, looking better, feeling better, but it also has some significant positive emotional impacts as well. Acknowledging that you have the strength to tackle your most difficult inner demons is an enlightening and empowering experience. Whatever your challenges may be, face them head on and fight them with everything you have. You'll be amazed and surprised at what a difference it can make in many different areas of your life.

Meg