Love is a Choice

I want to talk a little bit about something I've recently discovered a few years into my marriage. We all have an idea of what love should look like, from the feeling that you get when they walk in the room to the way that you argue. What I've discovered is that love isn't so much a feeling, love is an action. In the beginning it's easy to love someone; when a relationship is new you're infatuated with that person. Everything is exciting and fresh, both of you are trying to please and impress each other so rarely is there a disagreement. This is the famous 'honeymoon' phase where everything is kittens and rainbows and sex in your car. There's nothing like it, I remember getting ready for those first few dates with my husband; getting dressed to the nines and pulling out the nice panties. Who doesn't love new relationships?

As the months and years go by, those heart racing moments grow a little further apart and arguments slowly start to creep in. There are moments when you feel that rush of love-induced euphoria but it's not quite the same. Is that a bad thing? Why is it that when these feelings of intense infatuation start to dwindle many of us jump ship and move on to the next new and exciting partner? I think we can all relate to that pattern, many of us have probably done it once or twice ourselves or at least know someone who does.

The tricky part about the honeymoon phase of a relationship is that it typically lasts two years, and in that two years a lot can happen. People get married in the honeymoon phase (I did), they buy homes, they have children. This can make it particularly difficult to deal with once the love-high wears off and things start to get a little mundane. I honestly think that's one of the major reasons our divorce rate is so high, we're so excited and eager to spend our lives with people we really don't know yet. That and people settle, compromise, and fall into convenient ruts in their relationships, but I digress.

When the honeymoon phase is over, in order to make your relationship successful you need to make conscious decisions to act in a way that reflects your love for that person. Love isn't a feeling that exists without constant care and attention, the minute you stop paying attention to it, it deteriorates and eventually disappears. Love is the little things you do for one another; the favorite candy you pick up at the grocery store, the text message that says 'I love you'. We need to keep our relationships in mind, especially when our lives get busy with children, work, and other endeavors. I think that we all make the mistake of believing that we can go about our lives without maintaining our relationships and they'll just be there when we decide to pay attention to them. The sad reality is by the time you realize your relationship has deteriorated it might be too late to put things back together.

Keep your spouse in your heart and mind at all times, do the littlest things to reflect your feelings for them, even when you don't want to. Take a moment to remind yourself of why you love them and act in a way that lets them know you remember. Your family and your home exist BECAUSE of your love for your partner, you both are the catalyst that started it all. Don't let your relationship fall by the wayside because life gets busy. Your union is the foundation that everything else is built upon, when the foundation starts to crumble everything comes down with it. You are doing your children, yourself, and your family a great disservice by neglecting your relationship. Things won't get better on their own, but they might after you give your spouse the thought and attention that your life partner deserves. Love is an action. Sometimes you need to work harder to maintain it, but the reward is unconditional. People who have successful relationships didn't just happen to find the right mate, they act out of love and work at it every day.

Meg