Power

Something that I find interesting to observe in people is the ease and willingness at which they give up their own personal power. I see it happen repeatedly in personal and professional settings and I often wonder if they are consciously aware of their actions. What I mean by relinquishing personal power is this; when an individual, let’s say a friend or family member, does something that irritates you, our first instinct is to react negatively using the other party’s actions as an excuse for our reaction. A friend bails on a dinner date or a coworker shows up late; both of those situations could give rise to anger or frustration on our behalf. The interesting part about it is that by constantly being in a state of reaction, we are in fact giving the people we come in contact with power to dictate our emotions. The reality is when someone acts in a way that might be offensive to our sensibilities; we make a choice to let it affect our mood or reaction. Your friend didn’t make you upset by cancelling last minute, you chose to be upset in response to their actions, and just as easily as you can choose to be upset, you can choose not to be.

I find that sometimes we relinquish our personal power to the point that we feel victimized by the people and situations in our lives. When things are constantly going wrong it isn’t cause for us to feel hapless and helpless, it’s an opportunity for self reflection. What part did I have to play in these situations and is there anything I can do to change the outcome or my feelings surrounding the problem? Odds are the answer is that you played a large contributing part on how the situation played out and you in fact had a significant amount of control over what happened. This is especially true when discussing conflicts within a relationship, too many times we react quickly to our partner’s actions only to exacerbate and inflate what could have been a relatively minor confrontation. It’s human nature to feel influenced or pressured into feeling a certain way about how someone treats us, it’s personal evolution when you take back your control and consciously make an effort to react appropriately. Now that’s not to say that there aren’t situations in which a strong negative reaction isn’t appropriate or even warranted, it’s just that more often than not relatively small problems explode into disproportionate catastrophes because of our reactions to someone else’s actions. When something happens we have the choice to let it ruin our day or we can continue to have a good day regardless of what happens, the important part is that we understand and acknowledge that the control always lies within us.

A helpful exercise to gain perspective on a situation, if you’re unsure of how to react, is to observe your life and the issue in third person. For instance, if you’ve gotten into an argument with your partner and things escalated into a knock-down, drag out fight; try to take a step back and analyze the situation from a neutral perspective. What part did you play in fueling the argument? Did you use inflammatory or combative language like sarcasm or swearing? Can you try to see the situation from your partner’s point of view? After examining the events, acknowledge the errors that you made and your contribution to the argument and approach the issue once again. Start off the conversation by openly agreeing that you contributed to the problem and list the mistakes that you made in the heat of the moment; by doing this you break down the barrier that was built during the argument and you immediately decrease defenses. Usually your partner will react by acknowledging their own errors and the healing process can begin.

For the rest of the day, make a conscious effort to gain control over your emotions and how you deal with them. Don’t easily give up your power to the public and the people around you; picture yourself in a neutral, calm, and content state and do your best to stay that way. Always see situations from the perspective of the big picture, the grand scheme of things. When you take a step back you see how truly insignificant these small problems really are, you are better equipped to deal with them as such; a tiny bump on your daily path to happiness. I liken this attitude to the impenetrable feathers of a duck. You can be surrounded by chaos and drama, similar to the way a duck is surrounded by water, but by choosing to maintain your power and remain calm and collected you have the ability to repel its negative effect. Don’t get soaked, weighed down, and trapped in the emotional residue. Rise above it and chose to live a happy, centered, and powerful life.

Meg

xoxo