Your Perfect Self

I want you to do an exercise with me. Get out a piece of paper and draw a picture of yourself, a stick person will do just fine. Underneath that picture write the title ‘My Perfect Self’. Now take a good hard look at that little person and write down the attributes, accomplishments and characteristics of the person you want to be. Keep in mind that they don’t have to be things you don’t have, you may possess many of these traits already. Things to list would be professional goals, fitness goals, personality traits, etc. I’ll start:

My Perfect Self:

-          Weighs 135 pounds and has a fit, toned and muscular physique

-          Eats a clean, healthy diet

-          Spends as much time outdoors as possible

-          Engages in daily physical activity

-          Gets 8 hours of sleep every night

-          Always positive and sees the good in any situation

-          Reads books other than trashy celeb mags

-          Is actively involved in her sons activities and development

-          Is an excellent wife and mother

-          Has an ideal balance of work/fun/personal life

-          Manages her finances well

-          Volunteers and gives generously

-          Doesn’t gossip or speak poorly of others

-          Motivates and inspires others

-          Doesn’t sweat the small stuff

-          Is honest with others and true to herself

-          Follows through with commitments

-          Is an excellent listener and friend

Now the next time you have a problem or issue to deal with, take a look at your perfect little person and ask yourself what they would do in this situation. The most important factor in encouraging positive change in your life is that you consistently strive to do better; if nothing changes, nothing changes. If you live every day the way that the perfect version of yourself would live, pretty soon you become the person you’ve always wanted to be. Have you ever heard the expression ‘don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want to have’? Don’t behave like the person you are now, behave like the person you want to be, and before you know it they’ll be one and the same.

Meg

Power

Something that I find interesting to observe in people is the ease and willingness at which they give up their own personal power. I see it happen repeatedly in personal and professional settings and I often wonder if they are consciously aware of their actions. What I mean by relinquishing personal power is this; when an individual, let’s say a friend or family member, does something that irritates you, our first instinct is to react negatively using the other party’s actions as an excuse for our reaction. A friend bails on a dinner date or a coworker shows up late; both of those situations could give rise to anger or frustration on our behalf. The interesting part about it is that by constantly being in a state of reaction, we are in fact giving the people we come in contact with power to dictate our emotions. The reality is when someone acts in a way that might be offensive to our sensibilities; we make a choice to let it affect our mood or reaction. Your friend didn’t make you upset by cancelling last minute, you chose to be upset in response to their actions, and just as easily as you can choose to be upset, you can choose not to be.

I find that sometimes we relinquish our personal power to the point that we feel victimized by the people and situations in our lives. When things are constantly going wrong it isn’t cause for us to feel hapless and helpless, it’s an opportunity for self reflection. What part did I have to play in these situations and is there anything I can do to change the outcome or my feelings surrounding the problem? Odds are the answer is that you played a large contributing part on how the situation played out and you in fact had a significant amount of control over what happened. This is especially true when discussing conflicts within a relationship, too many times we react quickly to our partner’s actions only to exacerbate and inflate what could have been a relatively minor confrontation. It’s human nature to feel influenced or pressured into feeling a certain way about how someone treats us, it’s personal evolution when you take back your control and consciously make an effort to react appropriately. Now that’s not to say that there aren’t situations in which a strong negative reaction isn’t appropriate or even warranted, it’s just that more often than not relatively small problems explode into disproportionate catastrophes because of our reactions to someone else’s actions. When something happens we have the choice to let it ruin our day or we can continue to have a good day regardless of what happens, the important part is that we understand and acknowledge that the control always lies within us.

A helpful exercise to gain perspective on a situation, if you’re unsure of how to react, is to observe your life and the issue in third person. For instance, if you’ve gotten into an argument with your partner and things escalated into a knock-down, drag out fight; try to take a step back and analyze the situation from a neutral perspective. What part did you play in fueling the argument? Did you use inflammatory or combative language like sarcasm or swearing? Can you try to see the situation from your partner’s point of view? After examining the events, acknowledge the errors that you made and your contribution to the argument and approach the issue once again. Start off the conversation by openly agreeing that you contributed to the problem and list the mistakes that you made in the heat of the moment; by doing this you break down the barrier that was built during the argument and you immediately decrease defenses. Usually your partner will react by acknowledging their own errors and the healing process can begin.

For the rest of the day, make a conscious effort to gain control over your emotions and how you deal with them. Don’t easily give up your power to the public and the people around you; picture yourself in a neutral, calm, and content state and do your best to stay that way. Always see situations from the perspective of the big picture, the grand scheme of things. When you take a step back you see how truly insignificant these small problems really are, you are better equipped to deal with them as such; a tiny bump on your daily path to happiness. I liken this attitude to the impenetrable feathers of a duck. You can be surrounded by chaos and drama, similar to the way a duck is surrounded by water, but by choosing to maintain your power and remain calm and collected you have the ability to repel its negative effect. Don’t get soaked, weighed down, and trapped in the emotional residue. Rise above it and chose to live a happy, centered, and powerful life.

Meg

xoxo

Letter to Myself

I am constantly preaching about the importance of leaving the past in the past. I’m a firm believer that regrets are pointless, what’s happened has happened and it made you who you are today. Having said that, I think sometimes people confuse that with forgetting or suppressing the past which is a message I’m definitely not trying to convey. It’s important to remember who we were and what we went through, not to dwell or wallow, but to acknowledge and validate. It’s important because it helps us learn from our mistakes and it reminds us that our perception of current situations isn’t always accurate. How many times have you been in the middle of something, feeling overwhelmed and upset, only to laugh about it a few months later? Reflecting on the past is an important part of personal growth.

As a little exercise in dealing with the past, I’ve decided to write a letter to my old self. I want to validate her feelings and acknowledge what she’s been through. Instead of dwelling of focusing on her unhealthily or unnecessarily, I’m going to send her back to the past where she belongs with love and understanding. For those of you who are on transformation journeys (and I think we all are at some point) I encourage you to do the same and to share them. Please post them on our Facebook page or on the blog, you never know who your story will touch.

Dear past Meg,

I want you to know how much you were loved. In those days, weeks, years when you felt so alone, you had a family that cared about you more than anything. It was hard for you to understand then but they kept their distance because you were on a path of self destruction. You needed to learn those lessons on your own, and it was too painful for them to watch you suffer. I know you felt abandoned, but please know that they were with you every step of the way.

The way you felt about yourself and the person you saw in the mirror wasn’t who you really were, you were so much more. The kids that teased you didn’t mean what they said; they were confused and scared just like you were. I know how hard you tried to fit in, please know that what made you different then has made you a unique and beautiful person today.

When you were a teenager you tried your best to find out who you were. Somewhere between a woman and a child, you grew up too fast and didn’t understand that you were too young to do the things that you did. I’m sorry that you never knew what it meant to be a kid, careless and free of the chaotic world that should only belong to adults. I know you coped with it all the only way you knew how, and that was to run away and pretend that everything was ok. You constantly surrounded yourself with people who felt like you did; lost. Addiction, divorce, sadness, self hatred. They all took their toll and you did the best you could with your feelings.

I want you to know that what you went through wasn’t for nothing. You learned from your mistakes. They helped you become stronger, more self aware, compassionate, and above all they helped build the foundation for a wife, mother, daughter and sister. That pain evolved into strength and became the fuel for many positive projects and endeavours.

I often think about you and the things you had to deal with, but it’s time for me to let you go. I will never forget you or what you’ve been through, but I need to release you in order to heal my wounds and truly become who I am meant to be. I will remember, but I will not regret. I love you now like I never thought I could.

Meg

xoxo

I Heart Fitness Models

There are a few reasons why I think fitness models are so fantastic. In comparison to fitness models, fashion models, for the most part, all have similar attributes. They're usually tall, slim, and have a striking feature of some sort; large eyes, voluptuous lips, high cheekbones. The build and appearance of a fashion model is usually something that they are born with, something that comes quite naturally to them. For models who aren't naturally slim, sometimes drastic, unhealthy, and dangerous eating and lifestyle habits are practiced in order to achieve that 'Twiggy' look. The girls in fashion mags are typically very young, sometimes under age, and have immature figures to prove it. What I'm trying to say is that fashion models seem to have a type, and girls who aren't born that way will go to the extreme to achieve that look.

What's so refreshing about fitness models is that no one, not a single one, was born with that figure. There isn't a person on the planet that is naturally shredded. People can be predisposed to build muscle easier than others, sure, but they still have to work their asses off to get the muscular definition that fitness models exhibit. As opposed to fashion models, the lifestyle of a fitness model is practically incompatible with unhealthy habits. I'm sure there's an exception out there, possibly a fitness model who manages to work out and maintain an amazing physique that also binge drinks or uses drugs, but I'd be willing to bet there aren't many, if any exist at all. The simple fact is that you can't build muscle and achieve a figure like that by treating your body with any disrespect. You need to be incredibly disciplined, focused, motivated, and positive to put in the kind of hours it takes to build a physique that's worthy of a fitness magazine cover.

Fitness models can be tall or short, and vary from the incredibly muscular to the fit and toned, but they all have one thing in common. They have all EARNED that body. When I see a fitness model wearing lingerie or rocking a skimpy bathing suit, I don't shake my head or question their integrity, I appreciate. I appreciate the amount of hard work and discipline that woman has, I appreciate her power and confidence. She has earned the right to show off her physique, similar to the way a painter showcases a piece of art. Fitness models have bodies that are carefully sculpted and nourished to maximize results and minimize weaknesses. The figure of a fitness model is as inspiring as it is beautiful, a benchmark of what the human body is capable of.

If fitness models were showcased in magazines other than fitness publications, imagine what an impression that might make on a young girl. I think it's a pretty safe bet to say that a girl who aspires to be a fitness model would have a difficult time finding an unhealthy way to do it. Regardless of what you were born with, becoming highly involved in your physical health can override many genetic predispositions to unfavorable features. You'll often hear many models make remarks like 'I wasn't born with this body', and the reality of that is evident everywhere in the fitness industry.

Something that I have come to love about fitness models is the use of the word 'physique'. I can't even begin to tell you how refreshing it is to read comments on a photograph that say things like 'wow, beautiful physique' or 'incredible definition'. There is a level of appreciation versus objectification that you feel emanating from those pictures. These women are powerful representations of the female figure and they're not afraid to show it! Men seem to stare in awe instead of leering suggestively. It's an interesting dynamic to observe.

I'm not saying that every fashion model is unhealthy or that every fitness model is perfectly healthy, all I'm trying to say is that if we put a little more emphasis on what can be achieved individually instead of what someone is naturally born with it would go a long way for the dreams and ideas of young women everywhere. A girl who might not have a chance in the fashion model world might exceed her own expectations in the fitness industry. I am really thrilled to have stumbled upon this lovely little niche of society on my own journey to health, and I hope to bring some of what fitness is all about to the lives of the people around me. It is definitely not for everyone, and it's certainly too early to tell if it's something I'll be able to do with much success, but I sincerely hope to spread a little fitness love around to women and girls everywhere.  It's an industry that's steadily gaining popularity around the globe, and rightfully so. The fitness revolution has begun, and we all stand to gain from it.

Meg
xoxo

For The Mamas

I hear this all the time. Expecting parents and parents in general tell me, 'once you have kids, it's all about them' or 'you need to be able to put yourself last to be a parent'. I get what they're trying to say but I have to say I really disagree with those kinds of statements. I would take a bullet for my kid but that doesn't mean that I put myself last. So often we see moms who become empty nesters only to realize they have nothing left for themselves. Their lives for so long revolved around dedicating everything to their kids and somehow they got lost in the process. We need to make our children a priority, but just as important as our children is our own health and well being, and our marriages or relationships with their fathers. Without healthy parents it's almost impossible for our kids to develop their own healthy habits, if we are constantly martyring and sacrificing for our families to the detriment of our own physical and mental health, what kind of message is that sending to them?

When you're on an airplane they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before putting one on your child. This message rings true to me in respect to our roles as parents. If you are not meeting your needs as an individual you are compromising your ability to parent wholly and fully. Our kids deserve everything we can give them, and when we constantly use our children as a reason to neglect ourselves we're selling them short of the parents they desperately need. It is OK to spend time on yourself. It is OK to chase your dreams and pursue different challenges. It makes you no less of a parent if you aren't dedicating every waking moment to your children and their pursuits, it gives you the opportunity to lead by example instead of instruction. Don't tell your kids they can achieve their dreams, show them.

Don't get lost trying to be everything to everyone. You are at your best when you're everything for yourself. Do the things that you love and keep your heart and mind healthy. Life is about finding that balance between yourself, your children, and your other commitments and relationships; it's not a hierarchy.

We need to stop using our children as excuses, and start using them as reasons to do right by ourselves.

Meg

Progress Pics - 3 Weeks In!!!

Here they are ladies and gents! Three weeks into our program, here are the results:

Amanda - 131 lbs.

Meg - 160.6 lbs.

Thank you all for your love and support, it means the world to us. You keep us going each and every day!!!

xoxoxo

On Rising Above it All...

Do you ever get the feeling that things are a little more connected than we think they are? We hear often that what we put out there is what we get back, and it's true, I'm pretty sure we've all seen that principle in action. Negative people seem to perpetuate negativity throughout the rest of their lives, they have negative personal relationships, negative financial situations, negative physical attributes. It's interesting that we know so little about how truly powerful the mind is, and how even the smallest subconscious thought can have a dramatic impact.

Have you ever noticed that when your environment is in a state of chaos, your state of mind tends to be as well? The house is a disaster, there's no food in the fridge, and you have a million emails to answer. Your mental state is usually a mirror image of the outside environment that you've created for it; sort out the environment and your mind will reorganize and unwind as well. How much better do you feel when the things around you are in order? Often just waking up in a messy or chaotic room is enough to put you off kilter emotionally. We project outwardly what we feel inwardly. Imagine your life as a hologram being projected in front of you, a reflection of what you are feeling and thinking internally. Changes your perspective doesn't it? In fact there is pretty significant evidence that the matter around you can change depending on observation, and that every little particle floating around you is affected by your energy. Think about that. Like matter attracts. So if the matter around you feels your energy, and your energy is negative, what comes barreling your way? You literally become a negative energy magnet.

The most difficult part of maintaining a positive state of mental health is that inevitable something negative will come your way and interfere with your efforts. Your car breaks down, someone vandalizes your home, you lose your job. When that happens it's incredibly difficult to stay positive, but it's in those situations that it is the most important to remain upbeat. The reason being that the negativity will perpetuate and snowball, that blown radiator turns into a new engine, and then your fridge stops working, and you get in a disastrous fight with your spouse. It is very difficult for negative energy to stick around when you remain positive in the face of chaos, more often than not you can stop the hemorrhaging and limit your negative experiences just by keeping close tabs on your state of mind.

When you maintain a chaotic environment it seems almost impossible to get a hold of anything, you experience a total loss of control. Have you noticed when your house is a disaster you also eat poorly, you don't exercise and your finances are a mess? There are implicate rules in the universe, and it is very VERY difficult to be in tune in one area while maintaining disaster in the other. More often than not you need to maintain an even keel in many different areas of your life in order to feel completely in control. The chaos in one aspect will impact others negatively and sabotage your efforts. Life is about finding balance, rhythm, and ritual. You know what that feels like, when everything is running like a well oiled machine. Once your machine is up and running, do your best to keep on track when you hit a few bumps in the road. It's much easier to make minor repairs to your life machine than it is to crash in a fiery inferno and have to start from scratch.

Each of you have the power to create the life you desire. And I mean that literally. See your life as a ball of play dough and your mind as the hands that shape it. Think about your goals and dreams often and make tiny steps every day towards those goals, they'll become a reality faster than you think. If you don't want something in your life, don't put it out there. Save your energy and aggression for the treadmill or the weights.

A zen like attitude is certainly not the answer to every problem, but it's sure as hell the foundation for solution. Give yourself a positivity check every day, are you doing your best to create peace and continuity in your life? If the answer is no, adjust and move on. Don't let negativity overwhelm you and derail your life machine, don't forget who's in control. When you feel sad, angry, frustrated it is YOU who makes the decision to feel that way, not the person you feel is responsible for your feelings. The truth is there is only one person responsible, and that's you. Pissed off because a coworker was late again today? Think they're an ass? Nah, the only ass is you for letting something so ridiculous affect your mood, don't hand your power over to others so easily.

You will slip up and have bad days, just like I do. That's not important. What's important is that the next day you leave the past were it belongs and turn a new page, don't let past-self screw over future-self. Keep it up and you'll become such a relentless, powerful ball of positivity that negative people and situations are blasted into oblivion. You are strong. You are incredible. You are in control.

That little voice that tells you that you can't do this, is a liar.

Meg
xoxo