For The Mamas

I hear this all the time. Expecting parents and parents in general tell me, 'once you have kids, it's all about them' or 'you need to be able to put yourself last to be a parent'. I get what they're trying to say but I have to say I really disagree with those kinds of statements. I would take a bullet for my kid but that doesn't mean that I put myself last. So often we see moms who become empty nesters only to realize they have nothing left for themselves. Their lives for so long revolved around dedicating everything to their kids and somehow they got lost in the process. We need to make our children a priority, but just as important as our children is our own health and well being, and our marriages or relationships with their fathers. Without healthy parents it's almost impossible for our kids to develop their own healthy habits, if we are constantly martyring and sacrificing for our families to the detriment of our own physical and mental health, what kind of message is that sending to them?

When you're on an airplane they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before putting one on your child. This message rings true to me in respect to our roles as parents. If you are not meeting your needs as an individual you are compromising your ability to parent wholly and fully. Our kids deserve everything we can give them, and when we constantly use our children as a reason to neglect ourselves we're selling them short of the parents they desperately need. It is OK to spend time on yourself. It is OK to chase your dreams and pursue different challenges. It makes you no less of a parent if you aren't dedicating every waking moment to your children and their pursuits, it gives you the opportunity to lead by example instead of instruction. Don't tell your kids they can achieve their dreams, show them.

Don't get lost trying to be everything to everyone. You are at your best when you're everything for yourself. Do the things that you love and keep your heart and mind healthy. Life is about finding that balance between yourself, your children, and your other commitments and relationships; it's not a hierarchy.

We need to stop using our children as excuses, and start using them as reasons to do right by ourselves.

Meg