Letter to Myself

I am constantly preaching about the importance of leaving the past in the past. I’m a firm believer that regrets are pointless, what’s happened has happened and it made you who you are today. Having said that, I think sometimes people confuse that with forgetting or suppressing the past which is a message I’m definitely not trying to convey. It’s important to remember who we were and what we went through, not to dwell or wallow, but to acknowledge and validate. It’s important because it helps us learn from our mistakes and it reminds us that our perception of current situations isn’t always accurate. How many times have you been in the middle of something, feeling overwhelmed and upset, only to laugh about it a few months later? Reflecting on the past is an important part of personal growth.

As a little exercise in dealing with the past, I’ve decided to write a letter to my old self. I want to validate her feelings and acknowledge what she’s been through. Instead of dwelling of focusing on her unhealthily or unnecessarily, I’m going to send her back to the past where she belongs with love and understanding. For those of you who are on transformation journeys (and I think we all are at some point) I encourage you to do the same and to share them. Please post them on our Facebook page or on the blog, you never know who your story will touch.

Dear past Meg,

I want you to know how much you were loved. In those days, weeks, years when you felt so alone, you had a family that cared about you more than anything. It was hard for you to understand then but they kept their distance because you were on a path of self destruction. You needed to learn those lessons on your own, and it was too painful for them to watch you suffer. I know you felt abandoned, but please know that they were with you every step of the way.

The way you felt about yourself and the person you saw in the mirror wasn’t who you really were, you were so much more. The kids that teased you didn’t mean what they said; they were confused and scared just like you were. I know how hard you tried to fit in, please know that what made you different then has made you a unique and beautiful person today.

When you were a teenager you tried your best to find out who you were. Somewhere between a woman and a child, you grew up too fast and didn’t understand that you were too young to do the things that you did. I’m sorry that you never knew what it meant to be a kid, careless and free of the chaotic world that should only belong to adults. I know you coped with it all the only way you knew how, and that was to run away and pretend that everything was ok. You constantly surrounded yourself with people who felt like you did; lost. Addiction, divorce, sadness, self hatred. They all took their toll and you did the best you could with your feelings.

I want you to know that what you went through wasn’t for nothing. You learned from your mistakes. They helped you become stronger, more self aware, compassionate, and above all they helped build the foundation for a wife, mother, daughter and sister. That pain evolved into strength and became the fuel for many positive projects and endeavours.

I often think about you and the things you had to deal with, but it’s time for me to let you go. I will never forget you or what you’ve been through, but I need to release you in order to heal my wounds and truly become who I am meant to be. I will remember, but I will not regret. I love you now like I never thought I could.

Meg

xoxo