Insecurity

So here's a little known fact of awesomeness about getting in shape. You will inevitably become more confident, which has the fringe benefit of you being less insecure about how people feel about you. I think most of us are inherently insecure, especially when it comes to our relationships. Insecurity often goes hand in hand with jealousy; when you feel as if you aren't adequate you immediately become jealous and suspicious of those who seem, in your eyes, to be very adequate.

A good example of this (and I'll use myself here) is when a woman is jealous or overreacts to her partner looking at another woman. I'm not talking about porn or going to the strippers, I just mean a meaningless, didn't-even-think-about-it second look at a girl in the bar. It happens, lets face it. Even the most dedicated and monogamous of men will give a woman a once over now and then, just like women will check out a guy here and there. It's human nature, harmless, right? Wrong. Under normal circumstances it would be harmless, but when you're dating someone that's insecure or you're insecure yourself, a harmless glance can explode into catastrophic proportions. I know, because I've been there. I have definitely been the jealous girlfriend. The one who hated it when her boyfriend went out without her, the one who was constantly checking to make sure he wasn't looking at women on the internet or in magazines, and god forbid he ever went to the strip club, that was relationship ending material right there.

As I've grown and become more comfortable in my own skin I've come to realize that insecurity is really a sign of immaturity, and usually self loathing. Your insecurity creates an insane jealousy for any female that you perceive as a threat, or that you think may be more attractive than you. Insecurity is a relationship killer, it can eat away at you and create a divide between you and your partner. Not even the most loving and compassionate of companion can tolerate a high level of insecurity for too long, unfortunately it usually gets perceived as distrust and suspicion towards your mates fidelity.

As I have come into my own and began to lose the weight and feel better about myself, an interesting thing has happened. My insecurity and jealousy have almost completely vanished. Sure I get a little twinge when my husband mentions some female that I'm not particularly fond of, but it usually flares for a second and dies quickly. When you work hard to look and feel your best you start to realize a few things about yourself, most importantly that you are worthy of love. I know that I'm valuable as a mate and that if my partner ever made the decision to leave or to cheat, that it has absolutely nothing to do with me. You see, part of losing the insecurity is also gaining acceptance; acceptance that if a person in my life makes the decision to not be close to me anymore, I will still be happy and whole as an individual. If he were to make a relationship ending decision, it would be his decision, and in my opinion, his loss.

Because I know that I can thrive on my own, I no longer live in fear of losing my husband to another woman. I know that I offer something unique and that I am beautiful and powerful in my own way, just like you are. If he looks at another woman or makes a comment, it may irk me for a second but the reality is I know that it's ok to appreciate how someone else looks. Hell the last few months I've checked our more girls in bikinis than anyone else on the planet, I am constantly studying physiques and looking for competition ideas. We often lash out at others when we don't feel good about ourselves, and insecurity and jealousy are no different. If you're struggling with these issues, instead of focusing your attention on what your partner is doing I encourage you to look within. I bet you'll find the answer has nothing to do with anyone else but you.

Getting healthy has a lot of benefits, looking better, feeling better, but it also has some significant positive emotional impacts as well. Acknowledging that you have the strength to tackle your most difficult inner demons is an enlightening and empowering experience. Whatever your challenges may be, face them head on and fight them with everything you have. You'll be amazed and surprised at what a difference it can make in many different areas of your life.

Meg